It’s been five weeks since my last treatment. My friend Barb says I need to post so you know I’m alive.
Alive. Report: For two-three hour stretches I feel completely “normal”. Not “new normal”, just normal. Each day I hit the wall-of-fatigue and have to get horizontal. This can happen when I wake up, or in mid-afternoon or anywhere in between. I’ve hit the wall on the way out the door to see a movie. It has happened in the middle of a client presentation. I recognize the visitation now and try my best to respond with equipoise.
I am learning to live within limits, and exploring how I can stay calm and peaceful and grounded in my soul, my heart and my body. I now recognize when my gut tightens up with anxiety that I no longer want or need. I stop and rest, then get up and go again.
I’m breaking the habit of being a Mellinger mom from the midwest. I’m learning how to be “just Marta”. What an astonishing thing: I am enough. I don’t have to hunt when I want to farm. I don’t have to go when I want to stop. I don’t have to lead when I want to rest.
I get to choose.