It’s been five weeks since my last treatment.  My friend Barb says I need to post so you know I’m alive.

I am.

Alive. Report: For two-three hour stretches I feel completely “normal”.  Not “new normal”, just normal.   Each day I hit the wall-of-fatigue and have to get horizontal.  This can happen when I wake up, or in mid-afternoon or anywhere in between.  I’ve hit the wall on the way out the door to see a movie.  It has happened in the middle of a client presentation.  I recognize the visitation now and try my best to respond with equipoise.

I am learning to live within limits, and exploring how I can stay calm and peaceful and grounded in my soul, my heart and my body.  I now recognize when my gut tightens up with anxiety that I no longer want or need.  I stop and rest, then get up and go again.

I’m breaking the habit of being a Mellinger mom from the midwest.  I’m learning how to be “just Marta”.  What an astonishing thing:  I am enough.  I don’t have to hunt when I want to farm.  I don’t have to go when I want to stop.  I don’t have to lead when I want to rest.

I get to choose.

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